Hi Sausage Gut.
Just in case anyone was thinking of hiring me to be a look-out, don't. I would suck at that. I have bad vision, and spend most of my time in a daydream. I know there are a couple of Colombian drug cartel leaders who've been reading this blog; whom were also thinking of offering me that exact job. I just saved their cocaine plantations from coming under siege. Glad to be of service, Pablo and company.
What's in the news today? I hear tell they've discovered a new marijuana hybrid plant in Mexico that is resistant to herbicides. They call the plant "Colombians". Way to go, Pablo. Break me off a chunk, would ya? Check it out here if you'd like:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16311450/
I also hear tell that there is a Virgin Komodo Dragon in London who is about to give birth to 8 babies. Eight Komodo Dragons, all named "Jesus of London". Who knew the saviour would return as a giant lizard, let alone eight of them? What? Scientists already knew that Komodo Dragons had the ability to fertilize their own eggs, and they're just trying to sell this story of a "Miracle Christmas Birth" to the media? Huh. Well I'll be...
Lastly, (and to reiterate my disdain for the British) it was reported that 198 inmates of a British prison sued the government, claiming the heroine withdrawals they experienced as a result of not having the drug in prison was "assault". No shit. So they awarded the prisoners 5,00 pounds each to settle (which is like... what? $10,000?). "Terribly sorry you've experienced such discomfort in our prison. Please won't you join us for tea and crumpets this afternoon? Oh, you've scheduled an appointment with your dealer, have you? Right. Carry on then. Be sure to return no later than midnight. You are a prisoner, after all. Jolly good."
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3 comments:
What do you have against the British, seriously? Their tea could melt the hair off your chest... Besides, Heroin withdrawals can kill people, i think that could be an arguable human rights issue.
Don't get me wrong, the British are about as ridiculous as Americans in my book but who is more ridiculous then both of us? ... The Canadians (The French would have also been considered a correct answer).
I don't know about all that? I will say that I'm not going to rush out and schedule an appointment with a British Dentist.
Maybe Sarah's right, I should lighten up? We all know I'm joking about the Brits... our slightly less muscular older brothers, but maybe there's a point there?
And not that I feel obligated to be more sensitive to the plight of improsined heroine addicts, but perhaps it's better just to shut up shuttin' up? ...Naaa. Fuck 'em.
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