Being a young, middle class white American male is really tough, man. Everything I say is racist and insensitive. Goddamn minos. I just invented that slur for all recognized "minority" groups in the world (psst... that means any human being on earth, as well as a few animal species).

Everyone has stereotypes and prejudices, and sometimes they're funny, but you can't always say so. Unless whoever you're laughing at is a middle class white American guy. Everyone can make fun them, whenever or where ever they please. That's ok by me, but the thing of it is, I can't really make fun of anyone else. Ever. Or, if I do, it has to be in the the most light hearted, unoffensive way possible. It's true I sometimes walk around in public in a blue blazer and tie, whistling Perry Como tunes and being extraordinarily polite to people. I even make it a point to over-enunciate, just for humorous effect. It's hilarious because there are times when I'm a living, breathing stereotype. In fact, I dare anyone not to laugh and point if I actually do try to dance (which I only do after copious amounts of Pabst Blue Ribbon). There are few things that can generate such a resounding chorus of instant laughter and merrymaking at the expense of another. Of course, I feel guilty for getting a chuckle out of a Mexican dude in a truck that's horn plays a snippet of "La Cucaracha" and the back window is a giant Jesus sticker. And God forbid I admit to thinking a Jerry Curl is a hilarious hair style, or laugh myself to tears at the latest Baliwood show-stopping musical numbers while checking out some "Namaste America".

If only I could be a real minority, I'd be given the "Carlos Mencia Get out of Jail Free Card". That is to say, because he's a Mexican guy, it's ok for him make fun of his own people. It's also ok for him to tease all other recognized minority groups, weather or not he's a card carrier (i.e. handicapped people, fat people, gays or any ethnic group). I wish I had that card too. I want to spread the love. Even my having a gay mom and members of my immediate family of every race color and creed does not grant me access to this magical well of hilarity. Unfortunately, I can only make fun of myself; and that's no fun at all because everyone's already doing it for me. I don't want to steal their jokes, so I just make fun of the British.

Think of that combination of words without a negative connotation for a moment. Make and Fun. Sounds like a party I'd go to, I don't know about you...

Laughing is a good thing. Violence and hatred on the other hand, are wiggita wiggita wack. I say let's laugh at each other. Let's laugh together, and instead of throwing stones at one another, throw them at Bill O'Riley. He's the real douche. A kind of person who does hate, and is therefore incapable of seeing humor in trunk jewelery. He doesn't know why Perry Como is funny. The bass line of a Mexican polka or corrido does not crack him up. Neither does a Jewish guy haggling over one lemon at the grocery store. Instead, all of these are "offensive". All of these piss him off, and now we're not allowed to laugh at them. What a cock gobbler.

It shows progress when we can all make fun of each other. Equally.

Good morning, Fatty.

I know I've mentioned before that I hate commercials and advertising. They tell idiotic lies, and even if we (as individuals) don't believe their lies, we sure as shit don't say anything. Is no one else offended? Haven't they insulted our intelligence enough?

When I was but a wee lad (think 5th grade or so), I could not get past a certain conundrum that I kept seeing in commercials. They would always say things like, "Come by our After Christmas sale and save big on all merchandise!" Or, "You can save up to $200 a month at Worthington Ford's year end sales extravaganza!" This to me seemed like the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. I felt like they might as well say, "The easiest way to lose weight is to get really fat!" And we're not only expected to believe this nonsense, but to go out and do it.

I had to ask my mom. "Mom," I said, "How can you be saving money if you're spending it? That doesn't make sense." And she explained that by "save" they were referring to the amount off of the regular price, so if you were to buy at an inopportune time, you'd pay more... etc, etc. Well, as much as I love my mom, and trusted that she was right, it still didn't make sense to me. Why didn't they just say what they mean?

To this day I hate to hear some jackass telling me that if I spend $30,000 on a car, I'm saving money. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and it makes my blood boil.

Now... I'm not usually one of those conspiracy theorists who read way to far into things, but there's one commercial out there which I think is blatant in it's bigotry and innuendos. Watch this:



Does anyone else see a problem here? Let me tell you why this commercial makes me feel dirty.

First, the commercial begins with white people building a fence while another white guy (John Cugar Melancamp) sings proudly, "This is our Country!" As if to say, "This isn't your Country, Mexicans!" And, as we all know, building that dumb ass fence along the border is and has been a hot button political issue.

The commercial fades in and out of different eras in American History (not specifically, but that's what is implied). All the people are white. The fence is the image running through all eras as if they're implying that we've always wanted to keep Mexicans out of America, even though large parts of the Southwestern states used to belong to Mexico, hence the great white trash capitol of "New Mexico".

Also, notice the name of the ranch the guy at the end drives away from. The "KK Ranch". Think I'm kidding? Watch it again. I know what you're thinking, 'cause I am too. "What?! These crackers are so dumb they actually misspelled 'KKK'!" Sadly though, I don't think it was a simple mis spelling. I think they actually meant to fool us. As if they removed one of the K's from a commercial that is obviously anti-immigration and carries heavy, blatant racist undertones, that we might not notice, and certainly wouldn't put 2 and 2 together.

I dunno... maybe I am reading too much into it, but never the less, I can't watch that commercial without cringing and feeling embarrassed.

I'll stop there for now, as this subject can keep me going for hours. Please keep a clear head while watching television, especially commercials. The best thing we can do to overcome something like this is to govern our own thoughts. Just don't buy into it. Our Country, without fences, without racism, without politics bleeding into the media and trying to brainwash us... trying to keep us docile and controllable... Our Country, without shit like this would be a better place.