Free way cars and trucks

I used to hate people who identify themselves in large part by what they drive. I thought for a long time that this was a ridiculous notion, even knowing that so much of America's culture is was built around the automobile. I realize now that I was wrong. Even if you make an effort to NOT be defined by what you drive, other people will. It's inescapable. There's a certain psychology behind road rage that makes us so susceptible. The idea is that when someone cuts you off in traffic, or is driving in a way you don't like, it's easy to rage against them because in your mind, you're raging against a car (a "machine", if you will, hardee har har). We'd never think to act so rudely or aggressively if a similar mild intrusion or faux pas were to take place on a crowded public sidewalk, because we'd be dealing with an actual person, face to face. Mano y Mano. It's the same reason you can sit back and write me emails about how fucking stupid I am and how you'd like to punch me in the face, when in fact, were we having this conversation outside of a bar (for instance) you might still think I'm stupid, but you wouldn't say shit until I'm long gone so as to avoid getting actually punched (or counter punched, as it were).

Let's look at some examples of car to driver similarities. I drive a white, 2005 Chevy Cavalier. It does not go fast, is not exciting in any way, and I operate this car in the same fashion overly-cautious elderly people handle their Cadillacs. Slow and easy. Defensively. If you were to see me on the road, you might draw the following conclusions:

- This dude must be broke as hell
- What a fucking NERD!
- Here's a guy who doesn't take pride in his car
- This guy probably doesn't know shit about cars (mechanics), their design or their manufacturers
- He probably listens to NPR in the mornings on his way to the office where he'll pretend to be busy for the bulk of the day, ultimately getting in about 3 hours of actual "work".

You be correct to assume all of the above. Just as when you see someone in a "tricked out" mid-nineties model Honda Civic with chain link steering wheel, eight ball steering wheel knob (spinner), altered exhaust pipe(s) and a set of rims that costed three times what the car is worth, one might assume that the person is probably not good with finances, has a desperate, uncontrollable need to feel "cool", probably has a bad tattoo, drives like an asshole and does not like to read a good book before an 11 o'clock bed time.

I will say; while it's a bit douchey to have one, it's a little bit unfair to say that every guy with a gigantic truck, altered to look even bigger (i.e. lift kits and oversized tires) has a small penis. Unless of course, you're using the statement metaphorically, the "small penis" representing a wide array of social or emotional insecurities that must be covered up by obscenely huge trucks. Maybe the guy is a latent homosexual? Perhaps he's got a fear of women? Maybe he got picked on growing up?

Anyway, I understand that people are always going to assess (prejudge) certain parts of our identity in direct correlation with our automobiles. Might as well embrace that fact. Heck, maybe I'll even give some additional clues to my personality via my car. Something to the effect of a giant pair of glasses to sit on the front windshield with tape in the middle and a bow tie and cardigan sweater painted on the hood? That oughtta proclaim my geekdom loud and clear. That way, when people see me driving cautiously, signaling with both blinker and hand, they'll be more inclined to cut me some slack. Well, either cut me slack or throw more trash at me. Either way it lessens the ambiguity.

One final note. Those individuals who have neon lights anywhere on their cars (ground effects, around the licence plate, or anywhere inside) deserve every bit of mockery and ridicule they have already endured, and will continue to endure as long as they drive around with a light up sign loudly broadcasting, "I am a jackass, please berate me!"

Done.