Life, Tetris, and beating Gunnar at Connect Four

There's an old phrase people frequently use about learning something every day. I forget how it goes... but that's beside the point. I bring it up because I'm not sure the people who use (or perhaps more appropriately, abuse) the phrase actually learn anything, ever.

The learning process becomes more difficult as one gets older. It might be because most of us get progressively dumber as the years float by, but I don't think so. I think that life can become stagnant as one begins to "settle down" or become "established". In order to keep learning, we've got to constantly break down the walls we are continually building around ourselves. These walls are commonly known as "comfort zones", and while they certainly are nice and cumfy, they don't do much for us in the way of expanding our minds.

It's not easy to break break down our comfort zones. It takes effort and creativity. It's sort of like playing Tetris, in that pieces of these walls are always falling from the skies of our personal experience, and we've got to find a place to put them. If we organize them correctly, they fit together and eliminate themselves (at least partially). This is known as "getting lines". As time goes by, the pieces begin to fall faster and faster, making it more difficult to get lines. If we do not make an effort to keep up the pace, the pieces will stack up too high, and our learning experience grinds to a halt. It is at this point that people begin to listen to Kenny G, and recognize it as good music.

There are some cheat codes in this game of Tetris though. Ways to get a bunch of lines at a time when the walls start to get too high. It sounds easy, but it's surprisingly difficult to do. You have to scare yourself. I don't mean "scare yourself" as in ask a friend to hide behind something then suddenly jump out at you when you least expect it. Neither do I mean to insinuate that we should watch scary movies, or read Edgar Allan Poe stories late at night in creepy old mansion estates. I mean, think of something in life that scares you, then do it.

I used to hate parallel parking, and would therefore avoid it at all cost. It wasn't until I tried scaring myself that I learned to do it, and do it well. Not only did I make myself parallel park, but I made myself do it on busy streets. I know to some of you, that doesn't sound scary at all, in fact, you probably think I'm a giant douche now. There was a time in my life however, that it scared the piss outta me. Don't judge. Some of you are probably afraid of spiders. I'm not judging you (ha ha! wimp!) but I am suggesting that you make an effort to collect one. A big ol' scary one. Or, if you see one in your home, instead of smashing it or drowning it in a smoking puddle of dangerous poison, try to get it in a dixie cup and put it gently outside. Maybe even study it a little before you let it go peacefully on it's way. Look it up on the internet, find out what species it is and it's habits etc. You might be surprised to find that this will give you a shit load of lines, and you'll probably beat your previous "high score".

Thinking of new ways to scare yourself isn't easy either. Most of us can probably come up with one or two scary things right off the bat, but if you try this technique often, (which I enthusiastically recommend) you'll probably run out of ideas pretty quickly. The trick is to listen to your emotions, even when they're acting retarded. If you're out and about, for instance, and notice a member of the opposite sex checkin' you out, go over there and say howdy. I know that's not terrifying, but the great majority of you would be lying if you said it didn't make you a little nervous. It doesn't have to go anywhere. It doesn't have to mean anything. Just do it to scare yourself.

You may not realize it right away, but each time you're successful in doing something nerve wracking, you're learning something. Or maybe it's more accurate to say you're growing. You see, the higher the Tetris walls get, the more they impede your progress, and subsequently, the more difficult it is to grow as an individual.

I do understand that some of us are naturally better at Tetris than others, and those individuals may not need to utilize the "frighten yourself" cheat code as often as others. Those people are called "scientists" or "doctors" (not doctors of the medical variety, necessarily, but with PhD's). Ironically enough, those individuals are already predisposed to liking Kenny G, and are therefore beyond help. They can still benefit from growing as an individual though, even if only socially or emotionally.

I also understand that Tetris fucking cheats. Ask anyone who's ever played. There are times in life when you've got a solid wall built and it's poised to crumble down like those of Jericho at a jazz festival, but the piece you need (usually a long, straight bar) just isn't falling. In this instance, you must breathe deeply and relax. The bar will fall. Just be patient. And whatever you do, don't throw the controller. If you bust that, you'll have to play with the the "player 2" controller, and we all know you spilled beer all over it and the buttons stick, rendering it all but useless. Besides, when the bar finally does come, you'll get four lines simultaneously. This is called "a Tetris", and is worth a shitload of points. Sweet success!

This Tetris metaphor reminds me to let everyone know that even though my girlfriend is beautiful AND bright, I always kick her ass when we play in 2 player vs mode. Also, I can easily annihilate both of my brothers at almost any video game, not the least of which is Tetris. Just so you know. Oh, and one more thing. I LET Gunnar win at Connect Four. I could've beat him easily, but I felt bad since he was the one who actually made the trophy. Here he is posing with it, and feeling like it was a legitamate victory:



Keep on keepin' on.

trying a new strategy

Hi, Fatty. The Holiday season is finally over. Sustained celebrity casualties so far were Gerald Ford, James Brown and Saddam Hussein. There. I mentioned it. Now, let's not talk about it anymore. Let's talk about games instead. Specifically, the one we're all playing, but not talking about. Until now.

Everyone has a strategy in life. They use it in relationships, work, social interactions, everywhere. It's not always the same in every circumstance. Most people have different strategies how to operate in work and in home.

My work strategy has always been sort of reactionary. If I were a boxer, I'd be a counter-puncher. If I let you lead off, I can get a good idea of what I'm dealing with, and react accordingly. I'm also able to absorb a lot of punishment, and I don't get upset very easily, so unless you hit really, really hard, if you do catch me with a shot, I have a pretty good chance of staying cool.

My home strategy has been teamwork and patience. I'm like a nice boss, and try to politely delegate jobs to people. I try to choose jobs at which they naturally excel, because for one, they'll do do it well, and two, they don't seem to mind as much. When work needs to be done that everyone hates, I like to split it up. "If I clean the kitchen, will you run the vacuum?" That kind of stuff.

In relationships, I can be really unorthodox. I hit hard from strange angles. Flowers and gifts for no reason, for instance. This also works on the opposite end though in that I'll side step an argument on her terms, and pretend to be understand and docile, then, a week later, when she thinks all is hunky dory, I'll drop the bomb. It seems unfair, I know, but it's effective.

A new technique I'm trying out though, is to call it like I see it, and be (at times) brutally honest. Calling an emotional confrontation with your significant other a game, for instance. Because that's how it works with my girlfriend and I. When she's mad at me for something, she'll sometimes write mean poems or journal entries, and them tuck them away in places that she knows I'll eventually find them. It's like a booby trap. Then I have to bring it up, but when I do, she's got her strategy all planned out already, and can take me down, man. I don't know what they call that in your neck of the woods, but here, it's called a game. The object of which (I hope) is to eventually solve the problem and/or riddle. Calling it such, and then trying to set up some boundaries... y'know, rules, regulations and what not is my new experimental technique. I had an opportunity to try it out with my girlfriend recently, but it didn't go over too well. That's just because it was a bit of a surprise, and when I explained it, it seemed to her to be degrading and sarcastic, but it wasn't meant to be.

Call it like it is. Sometimes, we do bad things, and we're not sure why we did them, but in all actuality, if we were to admit to them and take a little responsibility instead of trying to cover them up, we'd realize that they weren't so bad after all. "Yes, I flirted with the girl at Coffee Bean, and I do think she's cute. She did give me her number." That doesn't mean I'm a cheater. It doesn't mean I've done anything wrong, really... especially if I cop to it right away. It wasn't the right thing to do necessarily, but nothing happened, and nothing was going to happen. I just got a little flattered over the attention of a PYT. I'm only a man.

"No, I haven't yet finished that project because it's miserable, and I found ten other things to do that were equally productive and important. Also, I've spent the last half an hour writing a blog." That doesn't mean I'm lazy or I've done the wrong thing. It'll get done, and in plenty of time (if there is a deadline). Just relax. Breathe.

Change your way of thinkin'.