There is nothing fun about "Fun Size" candy bars, fuckers. In fact, anything you can think of possibly doing with a candy bar that might be considered "fun" is less fun with "Fun Size". Yeah that's right. Take it there.

That's marketing for you though, innit? It doesn't matter how stupid or improbably a thing is, if they say it enough times, either we'll start to believe it, or and the very least, we'll not question it. They also think that if they play non-threatening music and speak in a soft voice, we'll never realize they;re saying horrible shit.

I saw a commercial for asthma medication, and during the health risk disclosures (some of the most hilarious material on TV, by the way), it said, "May cause asthma related death". I wouldn't lie to you, fat tits. An asthma medication... where a "side effect" included "asthma related death". But it's cool though, because while they said that, they were showing butterflies, playing a Nick Drake song, and it was voiced by a soft spoken chick with a sexy British accent.... so don't worry about it, ok?

Know what else they do? Say vague, blanket statements that describe certain "conditions" the you yourself MAY be suffering from. Such as restless leg syndrome (RLS). The "symptoms" described in that drug ad are vague enough to make me believe I have RLS right fucking now. And the side effect of the drugs are really hilarious. They include shit like "The increased urge to gamble" and "have casual sex". Well... sounds to me like I know of another medication that you can take right now to cure your fake disease. It's called "whiskey". Ok, so just to summarize what just happened here; First, they made up an affliction you didn't even know you had. Second, they sold you a drug to cure the non-existant affliction. Third, they said the side effect of the medication are in line with those of alcohol, which, we can safely presume is more fun, more effective, and far less expensive.

I suppose (though its not really my style), I should disclose that I do know that RLS is a real affliction, and that it can be serious. That said, I also know that something like only 2 or 3 percent of Americans will be the only people on the globe to come accross this affliction, let alone acknowledge it as a "syndrome". Also, one can deduce that if one did come down with RLS, it would have to be pretty serious in order for anyone to even consider the remote possibility that it couldn't me taken care of by a walk, a glass of brandy, or an afternoon jog.

That's all I'm sayin'. I'll take my drugs "Fun Size" and recreational, and my candy bars fucking huge.